As I sit down and ask what wants to emerge (from the writing) this week, I feel a lot of energy in my stomach. There is also a lot of energy behind my eyes. In the stomach, it feels like a pink color energy that is swirling like ribbons in the wind. A sense of excitement and abandon. I give myself a prompt, “See an image of this energy you are feeling in your stomach, what do you see?”
I see an image of me as a 5-year old, playing with the ribbons and spinning them above my head. I am wearing a red dress with a white and yellow flower in the center of my chest; my brows look furrowed and there is a sturdiness and intensity to my expression. As I expand my gaze to take in both my 5-year old self and the ribbons, I feel a desire to weave something beautiful and magical, in a sturdy and focused way.
As I type this, the energy in my stomach softens as I give expression to the intention and desire, to create something fluid and beautiful from something sturdy and reliable.
I give myself the prompt, “See an image of creating something beautiful from a strong foundation, what do you see?”
I see an image of me on a raft in a turbulent ocean. I hold on to the raft. There is a lot of movement in my body in response to the turbulence of the ocean in my torso. I can feel the energy behind my eyes again. An intense focus and tenacity to stay afloat amidst this storm. Not fear; just focus. I see I can orient my body to navigate the rhythm of the waves, not as elegantly as a surfer of a wave but quite effectively in not being swallowed up by the ocean. My muscles are strong, grip fierce. As I zoom into the image, I can feel as if the ocean is communicating its movement patterns and rhythms in a language I can understand which then guides how I orient my body and am able to stay afloat. My main focus is to pay attention to the rhythm of the ocean and its ways and respond accordingly. There is even a sense of adventure and exhilaration.
Writing this way is new for me. I thought this blog would be about me sharing my stories and wisdom gained from the experiences I have had. The healing twists and turns; story of redemption and transformation. In time, maybe these stories will emerge. For right now, the same way I was curious about my writer’s block in Expression (my last blog post), I am curious about what would happen if I did not sit down with an agenda. This wisdom came after a weekend of being flooded with ideas or topics I could write about. That went on for a couple of days. I finally became aware that my mind was trying to be helpful and build on the momentum of the first post by coming up with many, many ideas.
I stopped and saw an image of me cradling my head (mind) lovingly with both hands and said, "I love you. You have had to work so hard planning, structuring, doing, controlling…and have done such a good job. But it is okay to rest now. No need to come up with ideas and topics to let readers know about the trials, tribulations, growth. Not now, at least.”
In the image, I softly cradle my face with my hands and look down towards my heart, as if to gently bow to something deep and powerful, an energy that carries the power and intensity of a tsunami. As I continue gazing down and in towards my heart, I can see the storm calm as I recognize its presence.
Everything feels calm in my body as I type these words.
The feeling I get from these images and inner experiences is that expression is to come from the heart, not the mind. The turbulent storm calms, as if being recognized for its presence frees it from having to make its presence felt so dramatically in the body. The ‘strong foundation’ I am looking for on which to create will not resemble what I had grown accustomed to in the past – that many, many topics get generated and then evaluated and some get written. This is a new way. I feel I am being asked to trust that my lived experiences permeate the energy of the words that emerge on the page and can be felt by those who feel a resonance with them. I already carry the wisdom of my life in me – why do I need all my notes and records? I have kept very good records of my life – notes, journals, photos, etc. of major healing moments. I now realize that these records are just research materials I can refer to if what is emerging today calls for me to do so.
This is new, kind of freeing.
What’s coming next? Getting more comfortable to report that I have no idea. We’ll find out together.
Comments